I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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