her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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