I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
