I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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