I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
