she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
