I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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