You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
