soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
