3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
