it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
