Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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