Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
