We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
