I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
