I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
