dude i'm inner monologue high
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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