I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
