He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
