Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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