Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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