no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
