My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
