the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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