Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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