my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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