I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
