so that wasnt chicken after all
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
