The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
