dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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