Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
