i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
