At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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