I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
