Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
