yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
