Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
