i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
COCAINE IS GR8
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
