Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize