he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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