1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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