i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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