It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
where are you?
Hypothermia
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
