We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
