I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
