The maid of honor just puked.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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