Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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