They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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