Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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