i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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