I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
