He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
