Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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