I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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