If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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