Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
