Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
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there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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