holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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