I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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