Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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