Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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