When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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