Umm I'm too high to move.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
