My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
