I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
