clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
