I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
