what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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