oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
